Reflecting now on the events of the past six months, it’s obvious how torn I was, and still am by my decision.
Living away from home these past three years, facing all the challenges that come hand in hand with a career change at 30, completing another degree after being out of university for seven years, and starting a new job in a place where I knew no one, was at times intimidating, but mostly energizing.
By nature I’m an optimistic, life-embracing, see the glass half full kind of girl. At least that’s they way I like to see myself! Tackling these challenges was very rewarding for me. My life had purpose and I felt proud of the things I was achieving on my own.
Moving home to Newfoundland, however, presented me with a challenge like none I’d ever faced before. A challenge I neglected to consider in my many pro and con lists. It’s a challenge with implications that may never have been measurable in a pro and con list. Time changes everything.
Three years of living away, visiting only at Christmas and during summer vacation had left me with a very romantic view of Newfoundland. Christmas was a time of pure bliss. Family & Friends. Feasting & Festivities. Peace. Love. And joy. Summers were much of the same, with more time and better weather to enjoy things like sun and stars, trees and trails, canoes and cabins, woods and wilderness and so on.
This summer moving home as opposed to vacationing home had different connotations. Sure I made the most of it. Quality time with my bestie home again for a short but sweet visit from Fort McMurray.
Immeasurable time with family, even if electronics were often the focus 🙂
Cabin trips and family fun days. Time, so much precious time, spent with my godson.
Not once, but twice being blessed with the question of being a bridesmaid for a cousin and a special, long-time friend.
There were road trips to Quebec to see an incredible, fairy-tale wedding.
Festivals. Outdoor movies. The Royal St. John’s Regatta.
And lots of hiking along the East Coast Trail.
And, of course more cabin trips.
Actually, taking the time to remember and reminisce, well, it certainly was another summer of pure bliss. I really do have some many countless blessings to be thankful for. But I guess the underlying feeling of having no employment was a little disconcerting. That and the always present, unrelenting question of all questions was constantly there. Did I make the right decision? Is home really where I wanted to be? Every time something went wrong, I questioned my decision. I thought the universe was trying to tell me that I made a mistake.
I plunged myself into hobbies to keep myself from being idle: I painted and redecorated my mom’s laundry room as a birthday present. Then, I stripped the flooring in my bedroom, painted and renovated that room too. I got a membership to the hot yoga studio in town, started shopping at the farm down the road and tackled another item on my life to do list – preserving. I made strawberry chia, strawberry apple and bakeapple jam by the dozen. I picked quart after quart of blueberries and later stocked up on local cranberries.
And then I started to wonder. Was I still trying to fill some void by keeping completely and utterly non-stop busy? Realization started to sink it. The truth is I felt lost. Probably more lost and lonely than I felt while living in PEI. Coming home, surrounding myself with the love of family, and still feeling that sense of loneliness hit me like a ton of bricks. Had I just made the biggest mistake of my life? Was being home really the answer?
This was just the beginning. The school year hadn’t even begun. I guess the only thing to do at this point was to trust that I was exactly where I needed to be and see how the school year would unfold….